


Message Sent

by SerendipityDreamer



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Chatting & Messaging, Eventual Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, Eventual Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, F/M, Five Stages of Grief, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Loss of Control, Mass Effect 2, Post-Loss, Slow Burn, garrus is sad and he might be dealing with it in unhealthy ways
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-13 03:24:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11751045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerendipityDreamer/pseuds/SerendipityDreamer
Summary: Commander Shepard is dead. Garrus Vakarian is not. He is dealing with this the best way he can.





	1. Denial

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Commander Shepard You've Got Mail](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/314700) by Chi Kyoku. 



> This is a distant love letter to "Commander Shepard You've Got Mail" because I absolutely adore fics where characters build a relationship over text messages and I have never got over the fact that is an unfinished fic. I just pounded this out and I don't even know if this is good but I wanted to post something to inspire myself to actually write something.
> 
> There are no edits on this. Honestly I'll probably want to tear it to pieces in the morning, but I just want to throw something into the void.
> 
> Constructive criticism, comments, and kudos are all welcome!

**I.**

* * *

**Message Sent - 20:39 PM: February 14, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> I heard about the Normandy. Reports are still coming in about who was lost. Tell me you’re okay.

 

**Message Sent - 23:46 PM: February 14, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> Shepard?

* * *

 

**Message Sent - 00:06 AM: February 15, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> They haven’t found your body yet. They’re saying you’re missing in action.

 

**Message Sent - 00:08 AM: February 15, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> Don’t be dead.

 

**Message Sent - 02:17 AM: February 15, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> You’re not dead. They got it wrong.

 

**Message Sent - 02:31 AM: February 15, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> Dammit, not like this. You wouldn’t die like this.

 

**Message Sent - 03:17 AM: February 15, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> Please, Shepard. Answer me.
> 
>  

**Message Sent - 08:07 AM: February 15, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> I’ve been sitting at my desk in C-Sec for two hours now and all anyone has talked about is you. If I have to watch one more person give me a pitying look, I might lose it.
> 
> You’re not dead. This is too ridiculous to be real.

 

**Message Sent - 08:18 AM: February 15, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> Right?

 

**Message Sent - 13:05 PM: February 15, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security 

> This is ridiculous. Shepard, it’s not funny anymore.

 

**Message Sent - 14:17 PM: February 15, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> You told me once that the only way you planned on dying was if you were in hand to hand combat with a Reaper. Or maybe you would go out with a blaze of glory that would be recreated in vids for the rest of time. You were drunk when you said those things, but they felt true. You wouldn’t die like this, cold and alone in the vacuum of space.
> 
> It’s not _you,_ Shepard. You’re not dead.
> 
> I stopped listening to the news hours ago. I don’t care what anyone says to me, or how sad they look at me. Commander Shepard is not dead and I don’t need their pity.

* * *

**Message Sent - 00:24 PM: February 16, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security 

> You’re going to laugh as soon as you read this.
> 
> So I’m getting ready to clock out and another officer comes up to me with that same sad look in his eyes, the one that wants to convince me that you’re dead and that I should be sad. I wasn’t in the mood for it, so I brushed him off, but the officer was pretty insistent that I should be upset. That I should have taken the day off, that I should have gone to the slapped together memorial service they held for you this morning.
> 
> I may or may not have started yelling at the officer. I may or may not have been taken off of active duty and I may or may not have been advised to seek counseling.
> 
> I include the “may or may not haves” to add that air of mystery. You always say that, like you “may or may not have” eaten the chocolate that Kaiden bought on the Citadel. Everyone is set on the definites. That you should definitely be dead, that I should definitely be sad, that I should definitely talk to someone about why I should be sad.
> 
> But you’re not dead. So I don’t need to worry about that, do I?

 

**Message Sent - 00:27 PM: February 16, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> Do I?

 

**Message Sent - 05:24 AM: February 16, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> I tried to go to work today, and my captain personally escorted me out. She wants me to take time to slow down, to work out everything that happened. She gave me the name of a therapist.
> 
> I’ve been wandering around the Presidium trying to figure out what to do. I thought you might have the answer.

 

**Message Sent - 05:45 AM: February 16, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security 

> Shepard, please.

 

**Message Sent - 05:48 AM: February 16, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> You’re not dead. Even Kaiden didn’t pull pranks like this.

 

**Message Sent - 05:55 AM: February 16, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> I need you to answer me, Shepard.

* * *

**Message Saved to Drafts - 05:56 PM: February 16, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

 **From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

 

.I can’t imagine life without you


	2. Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly thank you so much for the kudos and comments on this fic????? I thought this was absolute trash and I am so shook that people think this is good like ;u; this has been stewing in my head for almost two years and it finally spat out of brain and just please tag along for the ride.
> 
> I've decided I'm just going to pound this out and not edit it until I'm done because otherwise I'm going to nitpick every little part of this story and it's never gonna get finished. Also, I split this section into two parts because...honestly it just felt right. I might merge it when I go back through for editing lol.
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments and constructive criticism, and follow me on tumblr! (link in my profile lol)
> 
> (Edit 8.1.18: so in typical fashion I did not do what I said above, but y'know what I've been dedicating more time to writing lately and I never was happy how I left this so big shrug)

**II.**

* * *

 

**Message Sent - 13:39 PM: February 23, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> Have you ever been to therapy, Shepard? It’s terrible. You would hate it. 
> 
> I just sat in silence in an uncomfortable chair for an hour. I could have done the same thing in my own apartment and it wouldn't have cost me anything, and I would have had a more comfortable chair.
> 
> My therapist wanted me to talk about my feelings. She said I didn’t have to say anything I didn't want to. I didn’t want to say anything, so I sat there while she stared at me and took down notes. I don’t know what she was writing notes about, but I digress.
> 
> I don’t have to talk to anyone about this, about you. I’m fine. It’s everyone else that has a problem. It’s everyone else that wants me to do something because they think I need to.
> 
> I know you would agree with me.
> 
>  
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

 

**Message Sent - 11:14 AM: February 24, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> Apparently going to one therapy session isn't enough to get me back on active duty. My captain escorted me out again and she told me that while she values me as an officer, she also values my mental health.
> 
> I respect that. I really do. But I’m fine. I don't have to talk to a therapist, and I don’t have anything to explain to anyone. I am a physically and mentally healthy turian who just wants to go back to doing his job. Instead, I'm being treated like a piece of glass.
> 
> Why am I the only one who can see this?

 

**Message Sent - 12:41 PM: February 24, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> Did you have to deal with this after Akuze? Did the Alliance pull you off of active duty and tell you that despite your bravery and perseverance that you couldn't go back into the fight until you went to therapy?
> 
> Talking doesn't do anything. It's not going to fix any problems. But in C-Sec, I’m doing something. It's not always exciting, but it's something. I'm making an arrest, or investigating a case, or even filing a report, but I'm not sitting and talking about why I yelled at an officer for offering his condolences about your death.

 

**Message Sent - 13:03 PM: February 26, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> I’m going to my next therapy session now. I can’t wait to sit in silence again for another hour. It’s the most fun I’ve had in years!

 

**Message Sent - 13:05 PM: February 26, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> That was sarcasm. I can imagine you laughing, but you probably think this is good for me to talk about my feelings. 

 

**Message Sent - 13:09 PM: February 26, 2183CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> Is talking about feelings something humans focus on? I know I’ve seen old human vids with “heart-to-heart” moments, but it always seemed played out. You know, tears streaming down the face and a lot of hugging.
> 
> Maybe I’m missing something. You should let me know.

 

* * *

 

 

**Message Sent - 02:10 AM: February 27, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> A few months ago I was on the Normandy soaring across the galaxy and helping you piece it back together. I was there on Noveria, I was there on Virmire, and I was there to help you save the Citadel. We were  _ doing  _ something. Everything we did, you could see the direct results of those actions.
> 
> You don't always get to see that in C-Sec, and definitely not up on the Presidium. With all of the red tape, sometimes even doing what’s right garners no results. That’s just the way it is. That’s why I joined you on the Normandy, because I wanted to do good and actually see something come out of my actions.
> 
> Maybe that’s just wishful thinking, but it’s what I believe in.

 

**Message Sent - 02:17 AM: February 27, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> That’s what happened out there, isn’t it? You were doing something brave and you had to pay the price. You didn’t go to the escape pod because you had to make sure everyone else was safe first. You were  _ doing  _ something.

 

**Message Sent - 02:28 AM: February 27, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> Why?

 

**Message Sent - 02:30 AM: February 27, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> No really. Why?

 

**Message Sent - 02:37 AM: February 27, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> You could have gotten out. You had time to get in an escape pod. What the hell was more important?

 

**Message Sent - 02:43 AM: February 27, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> I can hear you telling me that I shouldn’t be thinking like this. That I know as well as you do that staying true to your squad is the priority. You had a loyalty to every life on the Normandy, even if it came before your own.

 

**Message Sent - 02:59 AM: February 27, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> There had to be something you could have done. It isn’t like you to give up. You consider every single option and every single consequence before you take action.
> 
> You could have gotten off the Normandy. There had to be time.

 

**Message Sent - 03:01 AM: March 3, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> But you always have to save everybody. No one gets left behind when you’re leading the charge.

 

**Message Sent - 03:04 AM: March 3, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> First it was Mindoir, wasn’t it? Then Akuze. A history of being left behind, of watching those around you die. You chose your own survival at the cost of others.

 

**Message Sent - 03:06 AM: March 3, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> Then it was Ashley. She died fighting for our greater good but you still hold the weight of her death with you.

 

**Message Sent - 03:11 AM: March 3, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> You never forget losing a fellow soldier. You never forget losing a friend. I’ve lost enough soldiers, I’ve lost enough friends. It never gets easier, it never stops hurting.

 

**Message Sent - 03:12 AM: March 3, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> I’m not losing you, Shepard. I haven’t lost you.

 

**Message Sent - 03:17 AM: March 3, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

> Everyone dies, but not you. Not like this. You’re better than this. You’re Commander Shepard.
> 
>  

* * *

**Message Saved to Drafts - 03:19 AM: March 3, 2183 CE**

**To:** Commander Aisling Shepard, Alliance Navy

**From:** Officer Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

 

Stop playing dead. Please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My fall semester is starting, so wish me luck!
> 
> Yours till the yarn balls,  
> SerendipityDreamer
> 
> (Edit 8.1.18: Ironically, my fall semester will be starting again in two weeks. I remain the master trash)

**Author's Note:**

> Yours till the glass looks, 
> 
> SerendipityDreamer


End file.
